When things don't go your way

It's now been almost 4 weeks since I have been on bed-rest after experiencing one of the most traumatizing situations of my life. After weeks of not accepting my reality, I came face to face with it last Friday as I saw our son's face on an ultrasound machine. He is exactly where he should be right now and my body got the short end of the stick on this pregnancy. Just bad luck. My job as his mother was to keep him exactly where he is, no matter what the cost. So, I remain on bed-rest until an undetermined date. I can handle bed-rest, but I don't know how I would have been able to handle the worst-case-scenario in our situation.

It is not easy to be on bed rest. You lose quite a bit of your personal freedoms that so many people take advantage of. You are no longer independent on bed-rest and are not allowed to make your own choices. I never have an opportunity to escape my reality. Boredom is not an option and my view remains the same for nearly 16 hours a day, every day of the week. I am immersed in keeping myself busy and hydrated while sitting. The worst of it all is that my role of mother and wife have been stripped from me as I now become the dependent figure in the household. That is incredibly demoralizing-- the hardest thing to deal with so far.

On the other hand, I have a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity as a young mother to finally take advantage of all the good in this situation. Firstly, I have an incredible amount of "me" time that has been absent in my life for quite some time. I make choices about what I want to watch on TV or online on a daily basis without any input from anyone. I am fortunate to have a husband who is beyond incredible and is full of heart, soul, and stability; a daughter that is brighter than the sun; and the safety-net of a few great insurance plans and a stable household. I am able to catch up on all of those things that grown-ups just don't have time for (I guess, until retirement) like making scrapbooks, doing research, looking through old pictures, and listening to some good music. I can almost guarantee that people would pay good money to be in my shoes (or lack thereof) right now. Most important of all, I have the time and the capacity to take care of my body-- a body that holds one of my most precious gifts to the world. I eat well, drink lots of water, always take my vitamins, and never do more than I should while on bed-rest. This is far more than I could say for myself a few months ago. Life is too busy and exciting to remember the little things, but now my life has shrunk down into a 891 square foot space where everything remains good as long as I maintain focus on my prize.

I now have 6 weeks until I find out my fate for the next 6 weeks. In our best case scenario, my condition will have improved completely and I will be able to take advantage of the things I miss the most: picking up and holding my sunshine daughter, going on day-trips with my little family, and doing little things as a mother and wife that I miss the most. When things don't go your way, you really learn who you really are and how your life is supposed to be.